1.Husbands need to feel needed
For
husbands, not being able to impress your wife from time to time is like
Kryptonite for Superman. Just think of the movies most men love to
watch: lone hero in the town against the bad guys saving the day. That
hero chip is hardwired into most men – as long as we let them be. Don’t
rush to do the jobs you dread just to tick another item off on your
to-do list – asking for help can bring you closer.
2.Husbands show their love through actions rather than words
Men
aren’t as direct in expressing their love as women, and they aren’t
mind readers. They want to know what women like and then give it to
them. The more directly you tell him what you crave (“It makes me happy
when you surprise me with dinner”) the more likely you are to get it.
And when he does show you a bit of what you’re looking for, such as
bringing you flowers, making a big deal out of it will help pave the way
for repeat behavior in the future. Sure, woman appreciate
romantic gestures, but being there when you need him – whether that’s
when your car breaks down or your aunt passes away – sometimes says more
than blatant declarations of love. After all, a sweet-talking romantic
is great, but a husband who doesn’t bail in an emergency is even better.
3.Husbands care about fashion — a little
Most
guys aren’t as concerned with their appearance as women are, yet would
secretly appreciate some guidance in the fashion department. But if you
try to change his entire wardrobe, he’ll get the message that you don’t
like his look, and may become resentful. To work with him on his style,
frame new stuff as additions to his wardrobe rather than replacements.
Take the lead, but include him by asking what types of styles and stores
he likes best. Even offer to arrange a day of shopping that’s all about
him, and set a goal – finding two shirts and two pairs of pants, for
example – so he’s not worried that he’ll never escape the sales floor.
4.Husbands do best with clear, concise messages
Many
men may act like they are not listening (yes, sometimes they really
aren’t), but if you make a simple request or share a feeling, just let
it sit rather than going into too much detail. Chances are that your husbandwill
process what you’re saying better if you don’t bombard him with
information. Believe it or not, a man’s cave time isn’t just about
loafing in front of the TV, but processing your message so it can really
sink in.
5.Husbands can learn to fulfill your desires
Nobody’s perfect (wives included!), but you can teach your husband to
give you more of what you crave. Think about the thing you’d most like
to tweak, such as getting him to show more affection. Wait until he
gives you a glimmer of the behavior you desire. It may be by accident,
such as grabbing your arm to keep you from walking into the street. Take
that inch a mile by letting him know you like it. Say: “One of the
things I love about you is how affectionate you are.” You’re not only
making him aware of how you want him to behave, but pointing out that he
already has this ability. The beauty of this tactic is that you’re not
nagging him to change, but training yourself to notice the good. Keep reinforcing his good behavior, but stop doing it every single time. Otherwise, you risk sounding repetitive and the praise will lose its effectiveness.
6.Husbands get insecure too
Whether
it’s a potbelly, bald spot, or back hair, husbands also have body
hang-ups. And husbands of today may be spending more time grooming than
previous generations. While doing a little manscaping may be good for
your husband’s confidence — and your libido — remember to let him know
you think he’s sexy just the way he is.
7.Husbands need some alone time
Unlike
girl-time, guy-time doesn’t involve a lot of gabbing. Instead, it’s
about doing activities together. If his hoop-shooting or guitar-playing
marathon sessions really bug you, try the “best friend test”: If your
friend was behaving the same way, would you get mad? You’d probably
accept his or her habit as part of her personality and even admire the
fact that she gets excited about something. Look at your husband’s
pastime as an opportunity to do something you enjoy (catching up on your
stack of magazines and laughing about your husbands’ quirks with
friends over cocktails) rather than taking it personally.
8.Husbands do more housework than you think
Studies
show wives underestimate the amount of time their hubbies spend on
housework and overestimate their own contribution. Still, women shoulder
61 percent of the load. To get closer to 50-50, sit down with your
honey and create a master plan. Decide which chores must get done, and
divide them according to who likes doing what and how much time and
effort each requires. If you despise taking out the trash and he’s
indifferent, put that on his list.
9.Husbands like competition
You
may not understand why your husband has to be in four different fantasy
football leagues, and is constantly plugged in to his favorite team on
ESPN. It used to bother me that sports would take precedence over
planning everything from the baby’s birthday party to what time we would
eat Christmas dinner. But then I realized that sports are a competitive
outlet for my husband, and that not nagging him about his hobby makes
him more relaxed in other important areas — like our relationship.
10.Husbands have selective hearing
Studies
show men and women tend to have very different interests when it comes
to conversations. Women love to talk about people and relationships,
while men are more apt to talk about things. So if you’re chatting with
your honey after a party, try not to get upset if he’s oblivious that
the hostess was bickering with her husband. It’s simply not where his
focus was. Save the gossip for those who will appreciate it (a.k.a. your
girlfriends).
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