They
look lovingly at each other across rooms, finish their partners’
sentences, and playfully poke fun at one another. Here’s how those
blissful twosomes keep the romance alive.
1. They celebrate a unique anniversary
Your
wedding anniversary is a lovely date to remember, but it’s not the only
milestone that matters. It’s even more intimate to celebrate less
public moments of which only you two know the true meaning, such as your
first kiss, first vacation together or – hey – even the first time you
realized you were pregnant.
2. They stash pleasure money
Sure,
you have funds earmarked for bills and savings, but every couple also
needs a just-for-fun account to fund the occasional, much-need
indulgence. Put some money aside that won’t destroy your budget when you
use it, he says. Spend it on a spur-of-the-moment weekend trip, a
pricey bottle of champagne or front-row tickets to a concert you’re
dying to see.
3. When the going gets tough, they don’t call Mom or Dad
The
first task facing all young couples is separating from their families
of origin. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go home for the holidays. But
if there’s a crisis over whether to have a second child or relocate for
a new job, or even if there’s good news about a big raise or the
results of a medical test, the couple should talk about it together
first before dialing Mom.
4. They don’t nickel-and-dime about chores
It’s
no secret that most women continue to do more in the housekeeping and
child-rearing departments than their partners. Still, when couples
become double-entry bookkeepers, adding up every dish washed and every
diaper changed, they may be headed for trouble. In good relationships,
couples give everything they can.
5. They never lose their sense of humor
Humor,
as many psychotherapists have observed, is the Glue that keeps a couple
together. When a couple can no longer laugh together, it’s a signal
that the soul has gone out of their relationship and they are headed for
trouble. Remember that lighthearted couples never mock each other. They
instinctively know what is – and isn’t – fair game.
6. They get busy, period
You
don’t have to do the deed every day – or every seven days, for that
matter – to have a great relationship. But there’s no way around this
fact: The happiest couples have sex on a regular basis. Avoiding a sex
drought is crucial, because healthy sex reinforces and deepens
closeness. That said, there’s no need to stress if you sometimes let a
week or two go by without sex. What’s key is that you’re both happy with
your number.
7. They never withhold sex as punishment
Warning:
Expressing anger by never being in the mood will doom your sex life.
Why? Besides the fact that it turns what should be a loving and giving
act into a commodity, once sex becomes part of a couple’s power
struggle, so much resentment builds that soon neither partner wants sex.
So instead of feigning fatigue or rolling away from your guy next time
you’re annoyed, speak up and clear the air – without sex being on the
table.
8. They use terms of endearment
Pet
names signal a safe, supportive environment. Also, these days, when
we’re stretched to the limit trying to juggle jobs and kids, they give
us the chance to let down our guard, to be vulnerable and childlike. And
they make us feel close to one another. These same feelings of intimacy
can also come from using a special tone of voice with each other,
sharing silly “inside jokes,” or pet-naming your spouse’s intimate body
parts. The point is to connect with some private message system that’s
meaningful to you alone, as a couple – not to the outside world. This
type of playfulness is a statement that you’re feeling comfortable with
each other and with the relationship.
9. They’re grateful for the ordinary
After
you’ve been married for years, it’s easy to take your guy – and
everything he does – for granted. But for a healthy, satisfying
relationship, you need to have an awareness of, and an appreciation for,
the routine kindnesses he demonstrates: the way he dries out the wet
morning paper in the oven; his patience in training the new puppy; his
ability to make you laugh when you’re PMSing. Through praising your
partner, you give him the message that he’s important to you. Plus,
you’ll find these comments have a ripple effect; they’re contagious. If
you’re positive, he’ll be positive in return.”
10. They take 10 minutes
A
weekly date night is always recommended as a way to reconnect, but
sometimes all you need is a few minutes. I call this the 10-Minute Rule:
Take 10 minutes a day to talk about anything – except for kids,
responsibilities, or chores. Research showed that 98 percent of happy
couples say they intimately understand their partners. And knowing your
partner intimately isn’t always about engaging in heavy conversations:
Anything that helps you learn something new will bring you closer.
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